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Jenny

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ooops we fell in love [May. 7th, 2013|09:28 am]
quel distraction
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i am [Apr. 14th, 2013|05:40 pm]
a mere blip on the radar of your lives
a wet crumbling pool of doubt and fear in a treetop (for at least one afternoon/year)
a being looking for reciprocity and caring to comfort me

while
she
transitions
(terrified & seemingly alone)
to
the
next
chapter
of
life
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what a weight has been lifted [Apr. 2nd, 2013|09:41 pm]
only mentioned you in passing today in therapy. my life has become my own once more. while learning the nuances of aluminum welding it struck me how suffocating i must have been for you at times. i had simply no clue. we are better off.

you!! are so cute and so sweet and i'm glad for whatever it is we are sharing when it's going really well and our energies are in the same place. i like holding you and kissing you and being turned on by you in the sunny spot of your bed.

sometimes I think too hard about things. trying to learn how to live first instead.
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(no subject) [Mar. 7th, 2013|12:35 am]
watch me as I progress rather steadily now towards stasis and self-contentment
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(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2013|06:24 pm]

Neil Halstead: Hey Daydreamer on Nowness.com.

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(no subject) [Feb. 9th, 2013|06:08 pm]
behold the endless and vast virtual record of my relationship trauma

still triggered on a daily basis by my open wound soul
heard you're coming back soon

please continue to give me an infinite amount of space and leave no trace in my world and the community/me you abandoned for a short time/forever
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(no subject) [Dec. 4th, 2012|06:38 pm]
Perhaps the hardest thing about losing a lover is
to watch the year repeat its days.
It is as if I could dip my hand down
into time and scoop up
blue and green lozenges of April heat
a year ago in another country.
I can feel that other day running underneath this one
like an old videotape—here we go fast around the last corner
up the hill to his house, shadows
of limes and roses blowing in the car window
and music spraying from the radio and him
singing and touching my left hand to his lips.
Law lived in a high blue room from which he could see the sea.
Time in its transparent loops as it passes beneath me now
still carries the sound of the telephone in that room
and traffic far off and doves under the window
chuckling coolly and his voice saying,
You beauty.

anne carson
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(no subject) [Dec. 3rd, 2012|09:07 pm]
pah pah pah
time has flown

almost three months since i've spoken to you. time is passing. things are feeling better but I wish we could be friendly, not even necessarily friends (i'm just doing such cool shit and I want to shareeeeeeeeeeee ugh)
almost four months since i've arrived here

in one week i'll be in a different section of the country
away from this place
this project
the building

the STRESS
the schedule

felt so self conscious and critical today
I have such little stamina after my eight consecutive day of waking early and working all day/night
especially on lower, sadder days

but that's the way it goes
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(no subject) [Nov. 17th, 2012|08:05 pm]
I wish I could fly to european time to punch you in the face for breaking my heart and being an insensitive selfish asshole.

Instead...
I will get off the computer and stay away from all magnets that draw me to your regularly updated online sitez

WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH
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Despite my efforts, tumblr just ain't no place for my personal sludge. [Nov. 5th, 2012|08:17 pm]
BEHOLD A LARGE TANGENT ABOUT A BREAK UPCollapse )
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words that should remain unspoken [Oct. 6th, 2012|06:53 pm]
will you ever contact me?
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(no subject) [Sep. 16th, 2012|10:41 pm]
moving here (mini-barr.tumblr.com) for a little while so I feel less lonely.
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