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[Dec. 1st, 2009|07:56 pm] |
Lovely weekend, lifted spirits. Looking forward to home, what else is new?
Emotions all over the place, finally releasing tears last night. I've been watching beautiful films and have been making so much progress in my schoolwork! I got such good feedback on my last paper for my writing course. Hoping to reunite with people and make myself feel better about the paper I wrote last night. Having to relive my end of high school experiences in written form and in therapy upsets me so. It's not even relevant anymore, well parts of it. I've got lots to resolve and even more to catch up on. Even here. I'm back to daydreaming about boys that haven't broken my heart yet. Cheers to that! Looking forward to reading non-academic books and using my netflix during Jterm and Winter break. Meanwhile, I've got papers to revise and final projects to compose! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|01:24 pm] |
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Good morning Blues. Blues, how do you do? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|01:02 pm] |
Feeling shitty shitty shitty. Crying, group therapy, Ouija boards, soapy tea.
Stupid impromptu poems mailed almost 1500 miles away.
Fuck this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|09:33 pm] |
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Dazed. listening to music from early high school. Some revelations to be had. So emotional. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|06:54 pm] |
Spent my afternoon crying and reading in the sun at a picnic table near the awning in this photograph. Such depressing stories of coping with a parent's death, shitty dead mothers and the dying process of a cherished pet. I cried and cried and then went back to campus and couldn't gain the strength to return to my room. Found a table near my dorm and sat and worked and cried some more. So much weird anxiety over this place that I was so comfortable in nine hours ago. It took a lot of effort to find reason to move out of the sun, the beautiful weather today and tomorrow maybe the last until April. I didn't allow myself a sweater or long socks, I'm forcing myself to best appreciate the weather. My eight essays for High Spirits brought about new things to be worried about, similar to Bright Star's Keats. Scared of dying. I can't allow that fear to manifest itself in my death yet, only in imagining the loss of my Grandma, my Opa, my Oma, my parents and my cat. I don't know how to handle these thoughts. So I weep. |
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